3821 North 167th Circle
Omaha, Nebraska 68116
|We have both kinds. Bar, and grill.|
Back by popular demand (and certain out-dated extradition laws) it’s an honest-to-goodness HitThatDive wing review! Now, I had no intent of doing a wing review, but my friend (and fellow wing enthusiast) AC needed to escape from her kids…the day before Mother’s Day no less…just as much as I was looking for ANYTHING to do. Yadda…yadda…yadda…let’s go for wings.
In case you forgot how I rate wings (because I just forgot and had to look it up) there are a total of 5 categories. And a potential to receive 10 points in each category for a grand total of 50 points. Here’s the mostly complete list of all the HitThatDive Wing Reviews.
Okay Geno’s (not to be confused with number 71 on the Pittsburgh Penguins)…you’re up!
|One of these things is not like the other.|
First Impressions: Well, ummmmmm, yeah. There they were. 10 wings (that’s the full order on the menu) on a tray that easily could have fit, oh…I don’t know…a 100 or so? Three scrawny pieces of celery, and “fun-sized” bowl of blue cheese hiding away in the corner of the tray.
They didn’t appear to have sauce on them at all, for the record, we did order them “charred” and they did not give off an ounce of steam at all. Not a make or break, just our observations. Did it look like we would love these from the start? Not so much. Did it look like they could potentially kill us? No. So what the hell…let’s keep going.
Oh did I mention, that one wing looked like the fat kid in gym class that thought he could hide behind the tetherball pole during a game of dodgeball only to be spotted immediately and pummeled? More on that in a bit…
Score: 4 out of 10
Sauce: Hello, McFly (you butt-head) where’s the sauce? As I’ve stated earlier (for those of you paying attention) the menu alerted us that “All wings Available Charred Upon Request” so…I requested it. We ordered the “spicy buffalo” sauce. And, let’s just say. Meh. Not really sure there was any sauce on these things ever. Was it horrible? No. Did it roughly have the same kick as paste? Well, yeah.
Look, if you throw the word “spicy” out there and you’re not doing an impression of Sean Spicer…make sure it’s hot enough that I am bitching about how hot it was in the morning as I read the latest from Tom Shatel.
I would have give this a better score, but, it’s impossible to say how wet the sand is in the Sahara Desert because…well…it isn’t. Hard to rate what isn’t there, but, feeling not so crabby, I’ll give the benefit of the doubt here that there must have been actual “spicy” sauce involved somewhere in the process.
Score: 3 out of 10
Crispy: Here was my guess, and new owners of Geno’s, please correct me if I’m wrong. But, these wings never saw the light-of-day in a fryer. They had a distinctly baked taste, had a few odd grill marks on them (one was even branded with a T!) And, I’m just guessing out loud here, were heated up in a microwave.
I will give credit where it’s due, they all were baked well…even that fat bastard from gym class…so there were no concerns of spending the night praying to the porcelain god.
Were they actually crispy? Only in the way that Elvis was a blackbelt I suppose. But, any wing review you can walk away from and not feel like you’re going to die is always a plus in my book. So, thumbs up for not killing me or AC.
Score: 4 out of 10
Size: Let’s just call this one…Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids. Yeah…I mean…you had your Dumb Donald, Weird Herald, Rudy Davis and even Mushmouth in there…but…when one wing is so gargantuan-sized compared to the rest, I’m not really sure what to make of all of it.
How big was the fat one? For the first time ever, I didn’t make fun of someone attempting to eat a wing with a knife and fork. I was not about to ruin my weekend eating that thing, but, AC being the trooper that she is…dove right in. Bonus points for her on that attempt!
(Note to bar owners) These are called WINGS for a reason, because as a general rule, they are the wings. If one looks like $15 turkey leg from the local Renaissance Festival, maybe just (I don’t know) plop it in the garbage can. I mean, do what you want, but, that’s what I would do with it. But what do I know?
|I’ve seen worse. I’ve had MUCH better.|
Score: 5 out of 10
Extras: Oh, you know, not a lot to bitch about here. The tray was so HUGE there wasn’t an issue of where to put the bones (that’s what she said). Of note…the celery was sort of sad and small…compared to Fat Albert. The blue cheese was a home-made watery disaster and there weren’t any wetnaps for us to use as a toothpick to at the end of all of this..
Geno’s did provide extra plates and extra napkins, but the only real use of the napkins was for AC to wipe the slime off of her phone that she dropped right on to top of Fat Albert as she was attempting to sell a house in the midst of a hot Omaha housing market. (Side note from AC…DON’T BE A TIRE KICKER IN THIS MARKET!)
Score: 6 out of 10
|AC digs in in.|
Final Score: 22 out of 50
Final Impressions: Will these wings kill you? Not so much. Will they make you text your friends and say “YOU HAVE TO TRY THESE!” Ummmmm…no. At the end of the day, these are the wings that you would get at a Ramada Inn in Fargo when all the other bars closed. Will you hate yourself in the morning? I suppose not. Will you add this place to your list of “Must Have” wings in the Omaha-area? If so, you and I are no longer friends. (Kidding).
Geno’s is a fine enough little sports bar in an odd location. The service was great, and the place was pretty packed on a Saturday night. Give them a shot and order the kick ass pulled pork burger that the dude at the table next to us was eating (He ordered it with no bun, so that’s a rant for another day) but it’s hard to be too negative of a place that’s trying hard, but just can’t do wings all that well.
Hey AC…where to next…I’m still hungry for wings damnit!
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|I’ve had worse.|