Nick Viall’s journey to find love has begun.
Season 21 of The Bachelor finally started last night, and as Nick journeys to find love, we’re journeying to find out if he’ll be as good of a bachelor as ABC is forcing us to believe. We’ll be recapping each episode of this sure-to-be epic season.
Rachel: I’ve never actually watched The Bachelor. Tons of my friends watch it and love it, but I’m not a TV person and I’m definitely not a reality TV person. In honor of last season’s premiere, Terri made an image for the BuzzFeed Weddings Facebook page featuring a “bachelor” holding a rose made out of pizza; when she showed it to me, I complimented her on her excellent selection of a stock photo guy. Turns out, it was a picture of Bachelor Ben! But after I got into UnReal, and after Terri mentioned the announcement of this season’s contestants…and I didn’t emerge from that rabbit hole for several hours… I figured, Huh, why not give this a try? I can’t promise I will make it through this entire season, though.
Terri: I’ve quite literally watched every single season of The Bachelor. As disgusted as I am that Nick is the bachelor, I’m actually PSYCHED for this season because he will probably give us an alarmingly entertaining season — and not just because it will probably be the first season where the bachelor sleeps with every single contestant. Also, this may be the first season that ends with half of the contestants running off and joining a dolphin cult, so needless to say, I am so here for this. I really hope Rachel makes it through this season so that I can actually try to rationalize the two-on-one date to someone, but I have my doubts.
ABC / Charlotte Gomez / BuzzFeed
Our journey begins with Chris Harrison setting up “The unprecedented season premiere” of Nick’s go-run of being the bachelor. Unprecedented, eh? Unless all the contestants are men, we highly doubt that, but a girl can dream, can’t she?
We start with some gratuitous shots of Nick taking a shower that were far too short as far as we’re concerned. We’ve got TWO HOURS TO FILL — surely you can give us a little more of those abs. Instead, slippery shower ab time is cut short so Nick can tell us about his “flaws”:
“I don’t know how to sit sideways on a couch.”
“I sometimes mumble my words.”
“I can look away and not have the best eye contact.”
“I have a track record of ending this thing in tears.”
WON’T SOMEONE FIND THIS MAN A WOMAN TO LOVE AND ACCEPT THESE INSURMOUNTABLE BLEMISHES UNCONDITIONALLY? Fear not, though! The highly credible and totally not morally bankrupt Ben Higgins, Chris Soules, and Sean Lowe [Rachel: Who????] are here to calm his ner — nope, they give him some half-baked advice and rib him endlessly about his three (!) failed attempts at love on TV. “Fourth time’s a charm!” they say as their shot glasses in a toast. Yeeeesh. Maybe men don’t realize that that’s a terrible toast to raise to a friend. Or maybe they do? God bless that triumvirate of skeeziness.