This post contains NSFW references, proceed at your own risk.
Honey, hurry, they’re going to nerf The Witcher 3 vaginas.
Kotaku posted a story yesterday pointing out that The Witcher 3 next-gen update added realistic vaginas, and suggesting that these kitties were one of the many fan-made mods CDPR added to the updated game. In the original Witcher 3, women who were shown in full-frontal nudity had no visible genitals, just a sort of smoothed-over, Barbie doll area. In the next-gen update, which released for free this past December, it seems that the crones from Crookback Bog and the bruxas (the only women NPCs that regularly do full-frontal without any obscuring shots or panties) have landing strip-styled pubic hair and visible labia.
When reached for comment, CDPR initially told Kotaku that the company was “looking into it and will have more information in the coming days,” but now it seems that the vaginas were added by mistake. At least, that’s what they’re telling us in a statement received via email:
“The next-gen version of The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt features several community-sourced mods not created by CD PROJEKT RED, on top of numerous enhancements created and implemented by the studio internally. Merging everything together was a complex process and the textures in question are an unintended result present in the release version. This is something we are working to address.”
I asked if that meant that the vaginas would be removed from the game entirely, but have not received a response by the time of publication. If that is the case, however, (and it certainly seems like it), that means that the cronussies may get nerfed in a future Witcher 3 update.
If you too find it hard to believe that a game like The Witcher 3 (which has a ton of female nudity and absolutely no dicks) would accidentally add realistic vaginas in an update, then join the club. The vagina mod in question was wildly popular, and CDPR certainly hasn’t shied away from showing people’s bits in the past (hi, Cyberpunk 2077). But perhaps admitting that they went ahead and folded in a labia mod is a bit too much, I understand.
While landing strip pubes and perfectly neat labia aren’t the best representation of vaginas we could get, it’s better than a smoothed-over, sealed shut downstairs area—and I’d be even less bothered by it if the game included some juicy dude nudity, too. The Witcher 3 is beloved for its horniness, so I say let’s embrace it for all.